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Ask HN: I can't think straight, my life is in limbo, and I want to end it now
44 points
goodbyeworld
13 years ago
I have absolutely no idea why I am still posting this right now.

Maybe I am just less resilient than most people. Maybe I am sick mentally. Maybe I just don't belong.

For the past 20 years, my life has been a joke. I live in B.C, Canada. A few years ago, I traveled 21 hours by plane to see what my father looked like. He didn't want me, didn't even call me his son. My 9 cousins and 3 aunts/uncles don't know I exist. My grandmother died without knowing I existed. My mother and I have moved 30 times, and I've been doing my best to help provide for our lives.

I made the first big mistake of my life and gave up a full scholarship to law school because I wouldn't be able to provide for my mother. I dropped out of college after 1 year so she (being at such an old age) could have a decent standard of living, and see her happy for once in her life.

Then the second big mistake. I took a massive mortgage and dumped all my savings into this apartment, simply because I knew it was my mother's lifelong dream to have a place of her own and move no longer.

29 days ago, I made a third big mistake. I quit my full-time web development job, because the PM (who had authority because of the messed up hierarchy of the company) decided I was not 100% committed to the job because I was not pulling 80 hours a week (like nobody else in the company) and did not bother to update my LinkedIn profile while I was there. It was impossible to reason/discuss these things with him, and so I quit. I quit with a massive mortgage and a mother to feed despite knowing full well it would be a bad idea. I quit a job without having another one lined up. I quit because my ego couldn't take being taken advantage of.

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