To me , it feels like I get overwhelmed , Like I wanted to automate signal-chat app (https://github.com/bbernhard/signal-cli-rest-api/issues/643)

I get to something which can be considered very decent for my age and I learn something new for my age (16 here) (though I used claude for this)

but I just can't justify it taking my head for like a week straight and eating my marks.

I can't actually seem to have balance. I have had enough. I wanted to create this really cool project that everybody likes and gets stars on github , I wanted to be the cool guy in coding (I know sounds cringe) , I look up to people like primagen , fireship , maybe even theo . But now I just feel like programming has become my tool of saying hey I know things , instead of actually having impact in the world.

I feel like chasing the clout of internet people which just feels weird. I was once in a discord chat (not even related to foss) and there was this one guy who belittled me for not having enough stars (like I think I have 0 stars from anybody else or very less) and he had like 20 something. It just feels wrong. Open source doesn't seem like the thing I had hoped it was. Some people star something if the project is great (maybe like signal) but doesn't have a perfect api (I think)*

It just feels like I am ranting. I used to get really good marks in studies untill I am daydreaming about how to proceed in this action. It has truly taken a toll at me. I feel like living a double life.

I feel so distracted , fuzzed out. I just feel like Leaving coding for 2 years (I am in high school right now) and to join it after 2 years when I am officially in college and this would be the thing which would matter then.

(I like maths , physics but chemistry has just taken another level of toll at me , I just can't do organic chemistry because instead of organic chemistry , I am messing up with electron debugging and trying to find how to use signal to create decentralized shorteners / storage using group avatars or some other idea like a alternative to bittorrent which can work over normal vpn ) I don't even think that I can earn money with any of these things. Most of these are p2p-ish , the most I can earn is someone's good will but I won't forsake my mental health just for that , I suppose.