TL;DR I fell into depression and finally got medicated, even better, just did an interview, but still a bit stuck on working on stuff, perhaps due to still being anxious. How do I get productive again?
To makes thing short, I fell into depression "out of nowhere" around November last year. I can't do anything productive. I practically became a kind of Hikikomori[1]. I do get out of room and even go out and take trains (I love trains) sometimes, but I feel lonely always. In addition to this, I also get easily overthink stuff and be anxious about stuff. This already happens way before and got worse.
I think this is what actually made me feel depressed--I am geniuenly tired of being anxious. So much so it made me feels useless in the society. This thought had made me suicidal.
Thankfully I haven't attempted anything and actually got help thanks to my family. I went to psychiatrist a month ago and still medicated by now, will be for a while. At the same time I started coding on personal project--I actually even posted it here.
During depression phase I lost soo may things. Few of them are my friends, I unintentionally ghosted all my friends. I was so anxious I can't even open my chat app where I usually communicated with them. Now I am alone. I don't know if my friends will ever forgive me for me ghosting them.
But I want to move on from this phase. I geniunely believe that I will see a light at the end of this tunnel. But it's hard. It's hard to commit on something, especially work.
Recently I actually interviewed on foreign company--I actually proud of this as I actually used English the entire time even if when Im not a native speaker. But I still feel anxious. That feeling hinders(is this the right word?) my productivity.
How do I rise again?
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Thank you for reading. I hope it didn't feel like I'm abusing this forum for an alternative of therapist. But I geniunely needed someone to talk. I see that this topic is often brought here so I felt like this is a right place to do. If not, let me know. Hope you all have a good day.
[1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori