I'm a 43 year old, black, late-diagnosed Autistic male in Software Engineering. I started professionally in 2010. I'm an autodidact with no formal education in the field and no degrees to my name. I learned by reading and building in Python, then PHP for the first few years of my career. The remaining years have been full-stack JavaScript/TypeScript, with sprinkles of Java and recent dabbling in C# (Unity) and Lua (Roblox).

I've worked in both obscure and well-known organisations such as Time Inc, Penguin Random House and the UK Home Office. The longest I've been at a company is 4 years, but burnout has on occasion limited my time at a company to ~6 months.

My most recent role was at a small e-commerce start-up and it ended about a month ago. I was relieved because, although my manager and team mate was a great guy, I didn't get much satisfaction from the work or the company. I generally need at least one of these things to feel satisfied: - a satisfying "why" for what I'm doing - opportunity for creativity and discovery

Beyond work, I've had numerous side projects: - email platform - location based messaging platform - companion mobile app for Binance - "indestructible" CMS (Git-integrated SSG for simple blogging) - crypto arbitrage mobile app

I'm obsessive. If I imagine it I have to build it. Unfortunately, marketing and sales don't trigger me, or I'd probably have built a business by now... I love investigation, formulating a solution, and then hacking away to a working product. I saw this post[0] a few weeks back and it really resonated.

Most jobs don't trigger my obsession. They typically feel like a bunch of chores. I find myself dragging my feet and frequently consider if I'm just lazy. I can't buy into that idea, though, because I put in tremendous effort when I'm truly interested and inspired! Hours of the day and days of the week become irrelevant; code flows until the gremlins in my mind are satisfied.

Too often it's the case that my job interest is dim, while my side-project interest burns bright. I end up coding 16 hours per day until I burn out. That, or I get so drained by the work I'm doing in the day job that it sends me into depression.

--- What do I want from you?

Whatever you've got. Advice. Suggestions. Recommendations. Inpsiration, maybe. Perhaps even just a conversation with someone who can relate. I've seen how many insightful individuals there are in this community - I'd like to tap into that.

When I got into Software Engineering I was sure I was going to code my way to independence (working for myself). All these years later I still don't think I have all the components to create a sustainable business (be it skills, experience or the right people), so I'll no doubt be looking for another job. But I don't want just _any_ job. I can't just build UIs all day, or write another REST (or GraphQL) API.

I've strongly considered if I should do something else entirely and save code for pleasure and side-projects, but I've got no idea what that "something else" might be. I have savings that can sustain me for a few months (I save pretty aggressively) so I can take my time a bit to explore, but not for too long. Plus, I'd rather not burn through all my savings.

I want the sense of discovery - learning something new and applying it. I also want the variety so things don't get too repetitive. And, of course, the creativity - having an open ended question before me and being left to come up with an answer.

I suppose I could just ask ChatGPT[1], or even AskHN[2] but, there's no subtitute for the real thing (for now, at least).

If you read to the end, thank you for giving your time to it. I wanted to provide enough context without oversharing/overexplaining (which I'm prone to).

[0]https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34366610 [1]https://chat.openai.com/chat [2]https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34897773