I've a bachelors degree in computer science. I didn't do it as well as I'd have liked to do, but that degree has gave me familiarity with most terms used in basic programming.

I spent last 3 months working on web development(I'm learning MERN). I learnt html,css,bootstrap, javascript and react till date(In bootcamp), but I failed to learn React. Even javascript, i'm no expert at. Even css, I learnt the basics but I'm not an expert when it comes to building half decent sites. Same for bootstrap. I can carve a site using html,css,bootstrap but it won't look good. I was completely impossible to learn when it came to react. Whenever I saw usage of useEffect and useState hooks and we start making changes in 10 different files for it, it confused me and I understood nothing.

I had access to world's best resources to learn books, tutorials, blogs, youtube, udemy etc. I had access to forums like this to get help and support but still this was tough for me.

I feel unlucky, sad and hopeless atm. Friends who were weaker than me in conventional college studies and academia have done jobs and internships but I'm failing to even learn something properly. I'm not jealous of them but just feel trash about myself.

People say do projects to learn but I really don't know how that works. For eg: https://codepen.io/pelko/pen/MWBpNmL This project. I make stupid stuffs like these and can't produce a good output that is playable. It's too hard for me. These are some of my projects. https://htmlcssbasicsite999.netlify.app/

https://counterapp999.netlify.app/

https://dicegame999.netlify.app/

https://digitalclock999.netlify.app/

https://portfoliosite999.netlify.app/

I did all these projects without looking any tutorials.

I keep forgetting how I built something time and again. I nowadays try my best to add documentation though.

I'm 70% sure to give up programming but still I"d like to make sure I follow advices from fellow forum users about it who've spent their life around programming.

In 3 months, I am seeing no progress, except few days like:

1) When I carved a site on my own using html,css without looking tutorials.

2) When I carved a site on my own using bootstrap without looking tutorials.

My problems:

1) I've not break through'ed in programming. If I can make anything with javascript that's over 500 lines of code, I'd consider that a breakthrough. I'm aware LOC aren't a good metric but please try to understand what I'm trying to say. A big application using programming.

2) Even in css, I failed to make presentable sites. The coding bootcamp I feel is going too fast as well. Same for bootstrap, I made sites but I failed ot create beautiful sites. People recommend me frontendmentor.io but IDK what to do there? It looks sketchy to me. If there is something that can teach me css, I'd be so grateful.

3) After watching tutorials, I can't repeat what they've done in tutorial without watching the tutorial of project even though I understand each and every step they do in project.

4) I still am not fluent in ES6. I can't think in ES6. Arrow functions, map, reduce etc. I Understand them, but using them is different ballgame.

If you understand my situation, please guide me. I don't need roadmaps, any more tutorials but plain old guidance and advice on what to do by people who went through this situation