I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. I'm a start-up CTO in a small company acting as the free electron ( http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2005/03/20/free_electron.html ).

And, i just can't find the motivation or interest anymore to do anything.

I've been told that everyone is replaceable, yet I don't think I am. Nor do I feel this has been a good leadership point of view. I would rather feel irreplaceable and given a fairer shake of the deal rather than have to accept the money holders point of view. I'm very tempted to just say, "well, I am apparently replaceable, so I'll let you try".

I feel like I should work harder to change the culture, but I feel like it just isn't worth the battle any more.

I feel like if I leave, the company will become toxic to engineers and it will be one of those companies that good talent will try to avoid.

I have friends in the company, but I'm just feeling like life is just too fucking short to deal with certain types of people. I want to get my friends out.

I think I should apply to Facebook, Google, and Microsoft. If anything, to get a market valuation of my skill set. But, maybe just get a better job so I can build up a war-chest and be the guy with money.

I've been in the bathtub now for ten hours...